A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He
reduces altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon
further and shouts: "Excuse me! Can you help me? I promised my friend
that I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am!"
The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering
approximately 30 feet. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north
latitude, and between 58 and 59 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is
technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below nods his head, saying, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "But how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you are
going to. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep,
and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is that you are now
in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is
somehow my fault."
Why women can't fix cars ?
Why It Sucks To Be A Dick
10. You've got a hole in your head.
9. Your master strangles you all the time.
8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
7. You shrink in cold water.
6. You never get a haircut.
5. You always hang around with two nuts.
4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
3. Your best friend is a pussy.
2. If you're Jewish, you get scalped.
And the number-one reason it sucks to be a dick:
1. Everytime you get excited, you throw up.
25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90's:
1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat.
He e-mails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from England, but you
haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if
it contains Echinacea.
7. You check your blow-dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant.
8. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send her a
JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
9. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home.
10.Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom
of the screen.
11.You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells
for half the price you paid.
12.The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make
a purchase is foreign to you.
13.Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of
the back seat of your car.
14.Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not
have e-mail addresses.
15.You think second-day air delivery is too slow.
16.Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
17.Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
18.You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
19.You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.
20.You turn off your modem and get this awful feeling, as if you just
pulled the plug on a loved one.
21.You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
22.You wake up at 2am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on
your way back to bed.
23.You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
24.You're reading this.
25.Even worse; you're going to send this link to someone else.